I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize