i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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