a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
