I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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