if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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