I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
