They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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