i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
