She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
