I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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