SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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