I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
