Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
