So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
