That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize