this just has baby written all over it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
