My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
