He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
