I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
