Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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