direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
