meet me or not, i'm out of control
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
