so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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