Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
