Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
