After last night, I could never be a politician.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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