I puked a lego.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
