..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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