He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize