he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize