I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
