it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
