Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
