So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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