just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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