What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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