covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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