your room smells of hookers.
And success
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
