He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
