why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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