I want to make a zoo with you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
