Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
