Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
