that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
