Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
