i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if only i could text you this smell
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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