i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
