i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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