I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
