A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
