Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
