Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
