i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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