in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
