she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i now understand why vodka
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
