I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
