I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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