Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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