happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
not ubering you a puppy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
