the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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