All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
