I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
