Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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