the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
