Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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