OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
