Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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