jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
