you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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