remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
