I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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