I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
