im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we're making bets on your personal life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
