You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
