This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
