brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it because I queefed?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
