you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
