...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
