Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
