If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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