On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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