Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
