he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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