dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
