I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
