Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
