her vagine was all disorganized.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize