The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
