So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hippo gnu deer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
