I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
