I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
