i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's shark week go big or go home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
