Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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