it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's never too late to be topless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
