If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
