i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
