garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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