At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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