look no pants
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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