I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
