Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
