Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize