He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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