I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
