Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
