I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
